The following article first appeared in the Amarillo Pioneer on November 24, 2017
By Trent Rosser
Water makes up over 50% of the body. Water is supposed to be good for you. It is suppose to make you well when you are sick. Hence, soup. That is the doctor orders when you are sick. Lots of fluids to flush out the bad stuff in your body that is making you sick. We are told that we are supposed to drink at least 8 eight ounce cups of water a day. We are told that water is the best thing for us. But with everything in the water now days, does this still hold true? Now there are all kinds of chemicals in the water. Fluoride is one of the many that they put in the water before it comes to your house out of your tap. Where does the water come from? It all depends on where you live. Some come from area lakes and streams. Others come from wells that are drilling deep into the ground to pull water from the underground called the Ogallala Aquifer. At one time, not only was Amarillo getting water from the Ogallala Aquifer but from Lake Meredith also. They stopped pulling water from Lake Meredith back in 2006 due to the drought. The water company puts all kinds of chemicals in the water to make sure that it is safe to drink. Some of these chemicals cause the water to taste and smell funny. Even with the chemicals and purification process, the water is not always the best. If you don’t believe me, put some tap water under a microscope and look at all the little critters swimming around.
Now I grew up on well water. Nothing but straight well water and it tasted pretty good actually. Not all well water tasted the same. There were some places that the water was horrible. The big thing now is bottled water. They go through major purification processes that clean the water and make them taste much better. Even though water is supposed to be colorless and tasteless, that is not always the case. Walk into any convenience store and there is a section just for water. Each promoting that they taste better than the other bottle waters. Now they are even promoting flavored bottle water. They all taste pretty good for something that is supposed to be tasteless.
Now let me tell you about the “special” water that we have at our house. We are on well water again, but it is not good. When I first fixed me a glass of water, it had a yellow tint. Honestly I was trying to make sure my grandson didn’t pee in my glass. So we defiantly do not drink it. We only use it to cook. Everything else is bottled water. But that is not what makes it special, no, it should be used to send to our troops overseas and used as chemical warfare. Here is what has been happening. I have been noticing that things have been getting a little “tight” but now I have figured it out. My wife bought me a couple of jeans a couple of years ago, but she got the size a little big on the waist. That was alright; I would use them as my dress up and Sunday best jeans and wear them with a belt. So now I have 4 pairs of jeans, 2 of my tight fitting jeans and 2 of my Sunday jeans. But since we have moved into this place, things have changed. My tight jeans are now way too tight and I can no longer wear them! My undershirts are getting so tight I look like a wrestler trying to show off my muscles, only I don’t have muscles! I have also notice that the top of the jeans are starting to roll down like socks. How did this happen? Thanksgiving morning, I put on my weekend fatigues and noticed that it was a little tough to button them up. It was then that I realized, the water is making our clothes shrink! I also have a pair of pajamas that were always a little big and I had to tie the string. If I didn’t tie the string, the pants would fall down and everyone would get a show! Not now, no, the pants fit just fine, no need to tie any string.
There is bottle water called Smart Water. I do not know if it is suppose to make you smart when you drink it, but the water here is smart also. It can determine what clothes to shrink. It hasn’t done a thing to my wife’s clothes at all. Just my clothes. How it determines which clothes are mine and which are my wife’s? I have no idea; we wash the clothes together. It’s a mystery that Sherlock Holmes will not be able to break. It is very smart water. It has also expanded a few things. We shower with this water and for some reason, it not only shrinks my clothes but it also expanded my belly and my butt! I actually have stretch marks on my belly. My “six pack” belly is now looking like a keg and it is not very flattering with these tight shirts. So this Christmas, instead of buying others presents, I will be buying myself a new wardrobe. All because of the water. I tried to explain this to my wife, but she just looked me up and down, rolled her eyes and mumbled something about me looking fine and dandy, or maybe she said something about Halloween candy. Either way, I have to find a way to stop the water from shrinking my clothes.
She also said something about getting older and give and take, so naturally I replied, “Sure, I will take another piece of cheesecake!”