There is an evil presence in our home. It is lurking behind every cupboard. It sneaks into the home right after we go grocery shopping. Potato chips keep invading our house.
The chips are not the issue. The problem is that Hunter the dog thinks that they are evil and need to be eradicated from the earth. Eradicated one chip at a time, by eating them. I blame my wife. After all, she is the one that stated, “He will not be getting fat on people food. He is just to eat dog food and that is it. He can have treats, but not people food!” Shortly after, I caught her feeding him sour cream and onion chips. I should have said something, but of course, I didn’t. Then my barbeque chips disappeared. Through the last couple of years, it has become worse. Now when he hears a chip, he goes crazy. Ever have the feeling someone is staring at you? That is what happens now when we have chips with supper. For instance, when I cook hamburgers on the grill, we have potato chips with them. He is right there staring a hole into you, hoping that one little crumb will fall off the plate onto the floor. Of course, someone will feed him a chip. Then he will go to the next person and stare them down until he gets another chip. We go through 6 hamburgers, a full link of sausage and 2 bags of chips between3 people. I don’t eat many chips. Hunter gets most of them. I keep threatening him that when I feed him, I will get on all fours and stare at him like he does us. It wouldn’t do any good, he buries his head in his bowl until he is full. Unless of course there is a chip in the house.
One of the bad things that happens when Hunter eats a couple of chips is he gets a little gassy. I have talked about this before, and not much has changed. When he eats chips, I break out the gas mask. The worst part of it is that he does it and then just looks at us and smiles. If it is really bad, he sneaks behind our chairs in the living room and waits for us to gag. And again, like I said before, I swear that dog laughs at us. We took him to the groomers a while back and he was a little gassy then too. We are not allowed back to that groomers!
Hunter is a mix breed. He is Red Healer, German Shepard, Husky and Labrador Retriever. He looks more like the Lab, yellow in color, but his undercoat is that of a German Shepard, black and brown. He talks back like a Husky when we are playing with him. Now correct me if I am wrong, but Labs are supposed to be fine with water, right? Think about it, a duck hunter shoots a duck and it falls into the lake, the Lab dives into the water and retrieves the dead duck for his master. Hunter on the other hand hates water! That is one of the reasons we had to take him to the groomers. I have to fight him every time I try to give him a bath. Lifting up a 110 pound dog into the bath tub is hard enough, but when they keep jumping out before he is done…. painful on the back. I did learn a trick though. Spread peanut butter on the wall of the bathtub and your dog will eat it and lick it off the wall while you are giving them a bath. Well, most dogs will. Hunter will get in and as soon as the water hits him, he gulps the all the peanut butter off the wall in one swallow and is out the door in a matter of seconds. So now I am chasing a wet dog around the house trying to get him back in the bathroom. I did finally get smart and get him a bath. We bought a swimming pool. As I am filling it up with water, he is avoiding me like the plague. After it was full, he would get in and play with his tennis balls in the water. It only come up just about 6 inches, so it is not too deep. Unfortunately, as soon as water comes out the water hose, he is gone. With me in shorts (blinding the neighbors with my glowing white legs), I jumped in the pool with Hunter, a tea pitcher, dog shampoo, and proceed to give him a bath. After much cussing, screaming and howling, Hunter was finally clean again. After refilling the pool, I called it a day. I was exhausted.
Last night, Hunter sneaked back into the house and into our bed as we were asleep. He has done this a couple of times already. Last time he did it, my wife woke up to use the restroom and was upset that I let them in. At 3am I’m explaining to her that I didn’t let them in and again, I hear Hunter laughing. Last night though, it was me that woke up. The reason I woke up was the smell. I thought someone was having some major stomach issues. I leaned up out of bed and there is Hunter in the bed next to me. Staring at me face to face, smiling at me! He then runs behind the chairs in the living room. That’s it! We have to find a groomer and stop buying potato chips!