by Trent Rosser
I am a genus, genis, geenis… I am smarter than most people! Amarillo is having a trash issue. I have solved the problem! We are now being instructed to throw our trash in the front yard instead of the alley by the dumpster. This is very strange to me. All my life, no matter where I lived, if we had bulk trash like a couch or mattress, we were to put it next to the dumpster in the alley and the city would pick it up. Even the city of Canyon, did this when I worked for them back in the early '90's. When they came and picked up a dumpster and noticed that there were other things that needed to be dumped, the driver of the trash truck submitted an order for it to be picked up. That is if no one ever called the bulk trash in. So, now we are to destroy the front of our homes with debris instead of the alley. We are being told that the reason for this is that the trucks that they use are too big for the alleys. So I called and talked with a person from the solid waste and they told me that the city ordinance passed and as of right now, it is illegal to put anything in the alley. Yep, if you put the trash by the dumpster you are now breaking the law and could be fined or imprisoned. I tried to get a hold of the city to find out exactly what could be done if it was a misdemeanor or a felony. All the lady at the solid waste would tell me is that it is considered illegal dumping and she hung up on me. So, be sure to dump your trash in your front yard, until my excellent plan of action takes place!
Amarillo also has a homeless problem. Now it is easy to make fun of the city council or some of the laws that pass. It is real easy to make fun of myself, but making fun of the homeless is not funny at all. Yes, I used to be homeless here in Amarillo and I was homeless in Austin, TX as well. I did claw my way out of the streets and saw firsthand some of the things that the homeless have to deal with. It has been many years since I have laid my head to rest at the Salvation Army or under the bridge. I am thankful that I do not have to do that any longer, and I believe that there are some homeless that are struggling to get out of the situation that they are in. Unfortunately, there are some that have been out there since I was among them. They have actually made it a career of being homeless and they do not want to get out of the situation that they are in. Now, with my plan of action, I can help a few get a new career and on the job training!
The City of Amarillo has 58 job openings at this moment. Everything from utility workers to truck drivers; they even have openings for a zoo admissions clerk to Assistant to the City Manager. With all these openings at the city and all the homeless that are jobless, along with all the trash that needs to be picked up….. Hence the solution! We screen the homeless that are serious about getting help. With the help from an outside source, we put them up in a shelter. A total of 116 people will be hired for the city. 58 of them will fill the positions that are open, but only for part time and they work only in the mornings. From 8 am to noon. The other 58 people will be working with the solid waste picking up the trash. They will work for free in the mornings to pay for their room and board. At noon, they too will go to lunch. Now here is the kicker. Instead of coming back to throw trash, they will switch with the other 58 and start their on the job training for the positions that are open. The ones that were getting the on the job training in the morning will now finish out their day working with the solid waste and picking up the trash. This too, is how they pay for their room and board. The city will never hire 1 person for a full time position with benefits. Instead they hire 2 part time people. On the job training for both persons but they only get paid for half a day when they are training. When they are picking up trash, they are actually paying for staying at a shelter. Now, eventually one of them will want to move to another position or even a different company. That person will now have the skills to do that, and the person that stayed with the city, is now hired at full time with the benefits.
So, now the trash is being picked up. The city has all the positions full, and we have relieved just a small portion of the homeless. Dogs and cats are getting along, cowboys and Indians are best friends and all is right with the world. See, I am pretty intelligent! What about if they complete picking up all the trash or the job position from the city is dissolved for some reason? I have an answer for that as well. If, by some act of God, and we do get all the trash in the front of the house and the alleys picked up, or if something happens to a city position; we will put them to work doing street construction. The way it looks right now, that is a position that is guarantee job security! Every road in town and every bridge in town is under construction and will continue to be under construction for a very, very, long time! Yep, ima gunniss…. genus, genis, geenis…… Yea, Im pretty smart! Well, I am smarter than most other rednecks.